Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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