Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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