i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
