these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
