YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
