So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
