Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You are the jesus of drinking
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
