Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
