I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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