It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
