Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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