it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
