I murdered the dance floor call the cops
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
