OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
