I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
