how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
