So drunk its hurt
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
