Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
