Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
