somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
