see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
COCAINE IS GR8
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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