Is it normal to miss your booty call?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
