big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
