there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
