I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i think im in europe. pls send help
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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