i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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