Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
