She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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