tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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