i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
