You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The chlamydia really affected his face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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