so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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