I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
