I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
