Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
