wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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