I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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