My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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