it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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