about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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