I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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