i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
