you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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