there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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