I wannas sexs uuuuu
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He has the fingertips of a God
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