A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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