we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
