"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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