had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
