Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
