I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
