mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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