My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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