My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
