Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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