Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
