Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
