Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
