well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
