I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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