walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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