The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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