she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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