there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
