I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
