When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
