I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
