hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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