You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
