We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
