RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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