Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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