cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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