I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
