ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
