I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
