I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
