it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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