the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
