trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You took a bar mat shot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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