you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
